do white women prefer black men when they are older?

Dude read what I responded to and then get back with me on that point. What she said was very insulting. Go back and read .


Now if you did that on the first date then you are cosigning what I'm saying. If a woman is digging you then you don't have to spend a lot of money...right?

 

You made it a point to say don't do it at all it must be earned

 

Naw im saying don't go all out spending a lot of money .let her earn that shit. Don't open the safe and give her a steak dinner just cause she's a woman.

Let her earn it. What is she bringing to the table? Add and tits? That's it. All she got is a good bj? That's a jump-off or s booty call.


Go back and read about what I said about the woman I was with for 5-7 years. She got gifts and what-not cause she reciprocated.


Go back to the exchange student and see what I said. Go back and read about what I said about the one female I was with for a yearr (she as just a jump-off ... Could've git promoted to a gf but she showed to many bad signs).

Let them work....

 

What were you insulted by?

You love to go on and on about men spending money - you've done so for years on here now. Most have said it's not about the amount. Yet you continue to go on about it. Did someone take you for a lot of money or something? You sure are hot about the whole topic. It seems like something major must have happened to you for you to be so up in arms about it all.

Why does someone need to "earn" spending time with you to get to know you and for you to get to know them?

It really doesn't take spending any (or much) money. It might take some creativity though. I go places all the time and spend very little because I'm creative about what I do. TDK mentioned going to a museum. I am big on going to art shows and museums. They have free days or tend to be rather inexpensive. I like to walk around towns and sit at the water and talk. There are free music nights. There are all sorts of deals out there too. But it takes some effort and maybe a bit more thought than going to McDonalds. To me, it's not a big deal because I'm always looking for things to do anyway.

The funny thing is that you could actually spend less when being more thoughtful and creative than in going for drinks. I just don't understand why you would be wanting to do things differently than you would normally do. I don't typically go to McDonalds, so I'm not going to ask a man to go there for a date. Chances are, I wouldn't probably be going out with a man who likes to go to McDonalds, so he probably wouldn't be wanting to take me there for a date either.

The bottom line is that most on here (over and over again) have said it's not necessary to spend a lot of money (who knows what a lot is since you won't define that though) and yet you continue to post threads and go on about this.

 

Amazing! This really shows how little you think of women.

Geeze I go out with a girlfriend and will pickup the tab for lunch or dinner. I don't expect anything from her. WTF would I expect something from someone just because we went to have a meal.

I'm really missing something here.


TDK is obviously doing just fine following his own instincts with things.

 

That.

You need to apologize asap

 

Ok in his defense treating a friend is not like treating a stranger you just met. Friends don't act entitled to your time and money the way a lot of women do on a date. A lot of these girls are out here looking for a free meal and some entertainment. Now here is where he and I disagree its ok to choose that route if you want to. This shit isn't formulaic it just isn't. Each relationship is unique and you won't succeed treating women like a uniform group. Yes there are a lot of similarities, like the need to feel comfortable and safe, being able to trust someone's word and actions. That's universal but my approach with my girlfriend won't work with most women I've encountered. I live in one of the most spoiled dating demographics on earth and to find a woman in NYC who is ok with and willing to work within a budget is as rare as a black hockey player. So i recognize my good luck because that's not always the case but one thing I noticed that differed in my behavior from the past is I was extremely clear I mean abc to a 3 year old clear on what I need to feel happy in a relationship. I gave her options, that's another thing women need options lots and lots of options to feel like they aren't being cornered. So since right now I am looking to put money together for other financial interests, I constantly tell her about my plan and what it takes to get there as well as let her know hey we can't do dinner out every week but you can pick any place you want to go once a month. So this month its the Symphony, next month the Color Purple. Women also need things to look forward to generally. Don't get me wrong its not all smooth sailing but it's far more healthy and loving than I could have ever dreamed.

 

I don't have anything to apologize for.

You have posted all sorts of things about how you need to make a woman "earn it" (earning getting a happy meal) and how you can't know for a certain amount of time and so forth. TDK straight up asked you how long and you were talking about a year and more. LOL I'm with TDK....it ain't that serious!

TDK did things the way he did and he's in a happy relationship. He was (and is) who he is, did things as he wanted to do them rather than some laid out formula that someone else tells him to do (who may or may not even be in a happy relationship ...although I can't imagine you are based on the majority of threads you start).

Seems to me he was and is being smart about it.

I find it quite amusing that you have the nerve to demand an apology yet you ride TDKs jock all over this site straight up attacking him. I realize you like to bitch at him all the time about anything and everything. But, given that he has what he wants, he'd be an idiot to follow the crap you are spewing.

You are very insulting to women in general with things you post and the assumptions you make. If you want to talk about apologies, maybe you should take a look at the stuff you post and apologize to the women on the site.

 

I get what you are saying. He was talking about after a year (or more) and such. That's not a first date. I also get the whole thing about not going all out on a first date. I said stuff about that. I don't even want someone to do that. I'm sure you are aware that there are men who throw money to try to impress, even buy who/what they want.

I just think it's silly to think someone needs to PROVE it to you for a year or more before they have EARNED a happy meal. But again, whatever works for him.

I think you hit it on the head though. This is something I've been talking quite a bit with friends about. It's important to really spell out what works for you and how things work for you. Most people don't want to do that because they are so afraid of rejection. I think it's best to just say - this is what I need and want and see if that works for both people, maybe even negotiate so both are cool with things. It's not a perfect situation and things will shift and change. The key is to continue to communicate about it. It's all a process and not a one size fits all thing.

 

I wouldn't be surprised if it did work for HIM. Water always finds it own level so it wouldn't surprise me if some women like the idea of "earning" it. I know for me personally its not going to get me what I want. I want partnership, I don't feel the need dominate or control I personally am never happy that way. It leaves one person being too needy for it be healthy and another person resentful that they have to be a parent to a grown person they are suppose to be equal with.

Yeah I use to be one of those guys trying to fit the mold, do what's expected. All that ever did for me was make me absolutely miserable, yeah I'd get laid which was ok but it never made up for the never ending arguing and like I said the feeling of resentment that often comes with acting instead of actually being yourself.

 

This is why it's important to choose wisely and trust your instincts. It takes some time and it's not always right on. Maybe you need to talk to them a bit more up front and get a better idea of who they really are. I look at the ones that don't go well as learning experiences. But to get upset that you spent money to go out, to me that's just silly. Then you shouldn't be spending money you don't have, or you don't feel comfortable spending.

Again, this is why I think people should stick to doing things they would normally do (whether or not that person is with them) then it's not a big thing if it doesn't work out.

GL wants to argue but no one's on here promoting spending a bunch of money on dates.

 

Interesting. Some really good points and insights here!

It's good you went through all that you did (even if it doesn't always seem like that) if it gets you to where you realize it's best to be you and that it's really about being with someone who appreciates you the way you are.

Thanks for sharing about it too. It's a good reminder that it really doesn't work to try to fit something you aren't.

 

That's why I usually challenge the stuff Goodlove writes, younger eyes are watching. I wasted so many good years trying to live up to ideals that were never mine to begin with. This supposed "macking notes" approach doesn't work for me and honestly I'd like to see the kind of relationships it does work in. If I have to manipulate you to be around you then we aren't suppose to be with each other. I prefer not to treat my significant other as an enemy in need of conquering. I also recognize its up to me to pick partners like that instead of trying to approach every situation like its suppose to work.

 

Great points here

 

I was not arguing that. . That was you. If tdk was reading...I told him he and I was agreeing. Go back where I responded to the date you told me about with you and your woman and spending about 200 of a course of time . I said that from the jump because people would put you in the trick bag (try to take advantage of you). Also earn their position means check them out to see if they are worthy of your time as a gf/ bf. That's the purpose of dating if you want a relationship.

 

Here what I said. You got it all fucked up. I said the first few dates no need to spend a lot.

Also the happy meal statement , there's an lol... You are the one getting mad.

I said as far as gifts......I gave a scenario...read it. Jump-offs and booty calls don't get presents . I said 3 months you may or may not but don't an expensive gift.

 

The manipulation comes from setting up a tier system of approval setting benchmarks of worthiness. If I want to spend a bunch of money on a first date I will do so, a reasonable intelligent woman will not see this as a signal that she is now entitled to this level of outing every time we encounter. She will go with the flow because she enjoys your company. And the book thing worked out great, she loved the book SHE IS NOW MY GIRLFRIEND. So following my instinct and personal experience worked for me. Sorry in my opinion it isn't formulaic. A great woman doesn't require you to break the bank on her she knows that its your company that counts that we agree on. I just knew that with this particular woman I wasn't concerned with the money, I spent what I could afford and enjoyed myself.

 

You asked about it all . Go back and read. I didn't volunteer the info.


The tier comes from common sense. Example, would you really try to have an amber rose or a black Chyna as a gf. No. You would fuck em but not have them as a gf. When you have a gf (someone who is being committed to you) you are looking to see if she going to be your wife or life partner.

How are you manipulating her? If you don't want a serious relationship with her then why spend a bunch of cash on her.


As far as the first date , why I don't spend a bunch of money? It is a good way to weed out gold diggers and someone trying get a free meal. That's one.

Two , less pressure on you and her.

Three, I don't know this woman at all. Why should I spend a lot of money. If u are taking her out and you say we are going for coffee then how is that manipulating her

I didn't say anything about a formula or whatever. It's common sense. You check her out. You should consider yourself a good catch. Any woman should see you as a prize....you don't give prizes away.

Do you consider yourself a good catch

 

Another thing about the "tier" , some women that aren't like amber rose but str8 women sometime don't want a relationship but just have a dude that wants the can have just sex with. They call him "their friend". Fwb. ... Heard of that. Friends with benefits. So how are you manipulating them. If you're str8 up about your shit tgen they are cool with it.

You don't have to lie . You would be shocked at them being cool with it. Just say I'm not looking for a relationship now.

I never said "not follow your instinct. "

As far as the book ...you told a different story awhile back. You said things didn't work out.

The reason I told you to wait on the book because from what I remember you guys dated for about a month or two and the book was about 100-200. I said the idea was cool but just wait for a second . I also remember saying you are with her but just the little info I have tells me to wait. You came back later and said things didn't work out.

You asked . If you had to ask us then maybe you had some serious doubt about her. If there was no doubt then you would not had to ask.

I told you no for being concerned about you. Just because someone says no doesn't mean they hate you. A real friend will tell you "no."

 

You really want to talk about that or you do want to pass.