Question For The Fellas; What Did You Mother Do When ...

When you were young, what did your mother do the first time you got your hearts broken? How did she react? Did she hug and console you or just kinda' give you the "Hey, it happens. Get on with life and finish your chores."

My mother gave me the "You'll get over it now get back to ..." whatever chore or homework assignment I had to finish. There were no hugs or pep talks. No special meals. Just an acknowledgement of my plight and a refocusing of my thoughts on the tasks at hand.

Was your experience similar to mine? If so, do you think it's a cultural thing? Black mothers of a certain age group just weren't all caught up in that kind of thing. Is there a difference in the way white mothers handle their teenage sons' girlfriend problems? And, if so, should black mothers be more understanding and nurturing in that respect? Could they learn a thing or two from their Caucasian (or whatever other race) counterparts?

Discuss.

 

Shit like that they kind of laughed at but most of my problems were far outside the scope of understanding. If you had a roof food and clothes along with electricity we were doing far better than most of the people they grew up with. I didn't get it at the time but I get it now, they never lived a life where focusing on someone's emotions was an actual option. Brush yourself off and keep moving forward was for big pains like injury not emotional pain

 

Didn't reveal such info to my parents.

 

I didn't share it with my Mom, but had I done so.... She probably would've hugged me and had supportive (but realisitic) words for me. Then she would've stepped aside as I weathered the storm.

 

I generally spoke to my father...

 

Yeah, I didn't either. But, my moms walked in on me all teary eyed, like a lil' bitch, over my first break-up.

By the time I got be that age my dad had died. So it was just moms and me at that point.

The reason I started this thread was my girl and I were watching TV and this kid brike up with his GF and his mother found out and was all hugs and kisses on the forehead. So, I laughed and said my mother would've been like, 'Shake that shit off and get back to work." My girl's reply was, "I don't mean to be rude, but your mother wasn't always very nice when it comes to things like that." I thought it was funny. Her .. not so much. ...lol

I believe it's a cultural difference. So, I thought I'd see if some of the other fellas got the same treatment I did.

 

It might be cultural. I have noticed many brothas tell a similar story and have heard the exact opposite from white friends. I don't think "just shrug that shit off" is a good way to approach that situation. But, parents do the best they can in those situations based off of what they think and have experienced. Your mother is a woman and maybe she thought that is what you tell a boy... some fathers might have done the same as well. I am sure she did her best.

 

I think it is cultural because my mom would have done the kiss the bobo and that would have been the end of that mean bike ride for a long time to come.

 

Honestly, I think it was very good for me. At my heart, I'm a very creative person and my emotions can be seriously wild. I think being raised this way showed me how to dial them back and keep myself in check.

Seems like too many of our black boys and men get too caught up in their feelings and make bad decisions because of it.

Would love some of the ladies' opinions on this.

 

This.

And the funny thing is most dudes will swear they are being logical and rational as all hell when they operate in this manner.

 

Glad to hear it.

 

My mother said, in her religious way, that it wasn't to because it wasn't God's will. She spoke to the woman I had been pining for over the phone. She told her that she was proud of her not hurting my feelings. The woman was surprised and glad to have spoken to my mother. But it didn't change her mind. My mother always said that there's always someone out there somewhere. Well, in my case, that train doesn't stop there anymore.

 

I never told my mom about the first heartbreak (or any of them). Whenever I tried to ask her about girl advice she would always refer me to my dad. I got tired of that shit real quick and started learning by trial and error.