How Does One Respectfully Tell One's Girlfriend She Talks Too Much?

The title sums it up. I love me girlfriend. She's literally the best person I know and she's sacrificed all for me. I'd never want to hurt her feelings.

But, she talks incessantly about anything that crosses her mind. It really breaks my concentration and brings me out of my "work zone." I do one thing at a time. I don't jump around. I am not a multiasker. So distractions really derail me. Even when I come out of the room to eat, my mind is still working. That's what works best for my process.

She grew up with no TV or radio. All her family did was talk, play games, set puzzles. Me? I grew up in a very quiet house. Conversation happened over meals or if there was something that needed discussion. We didn't talk to entertain ourselves. That's what books, or if it was later that night, TV was for.

I don't want to hurt her feelings. Nor, do I want to make feel as if what she has to say isn't worth hearing. I just need her to chill and let my mind be unaffected so I can create. Any ideas on doing that without sounding like a total dick?

And, yes. I know I sound like it's all about me, me, me. And that sucks. But, if I'm going to get back what I lost and make our living situation better, I need to get her to understand.

 

I tell my girlfriend straight up "shut the fuck up, you talk too damn much".

 

Is she Artistic like you or at least have an interest in your work. If so maybe you can find a way to spring Ideas off of her or involve her in some kind of way.

On the other hand, sounds like you need a man cave.

 

This

 

baby...sweetie..with all due respect precious...shut da fuck up..puddin'..

how was that???

 

Yeah, I'm not trying to be that dominant over her. ...lol

I wish she were. She'd "get it" if that were the case. I think she's just used to being around a much larger family and closer knit extended comunity.

I remember clowning around with her back when we first met. In my best hood voice I asked her "What dat mouf do?" I guess she's showing me.

 

Does she live with you?

If not, then use your alone time for thoughts.

If so, then express that you need to work through some thoughts before you're ready for conversation.

And what woman doesn't want to talk, you act like that's a revelation?

 

Het, her cat and me in a one bedroom. Space is really tight. Looking for a bigger place, now. But, more space isn't going to solve it.

 

Or

 

I'm in the same situation as you... with my ex wife I would be sweeter and just tell her I need my space. Current gf, I got to treat her like a lil ass kid sometimes so she can get the picture.


I'm a lot like you especially in the car. I don't say much of anything if at all but people become mad uncomfortable because of my quietness.

 

I wish you well. Generally, I don't think there's much of a good way because being talkative is part of who she is. You do have a valid point in that the distraction of really breaks your concentration. I think you should explain that part and it would go over well. However... (again), being a talkative person is part of her personality, and I'm thinking you can't change that nor is it fair to try to change her. Likewise, it would be unfair for her to decide that you don't talk enough and try to change that. I hope that y'all will be able to come to a workable understanding somewhere in the middle.

So in a nutshell... I think you'll be able to get the uninteruppted work time, but she'll probably still be talkative outside of that.

 

Just say what you just posted (except for that). You should almost read it word for word. Talk about his you concentrate and the family back round but start and end with how much you love her and what she means to you. And really end it with what you are trying to accomplish for the both of them.

Just set up a time to talk or let her know when you are about to work and what time you will finish . then say at that time I'm all yours ...mind body and soul

 

Welcome to California. lol

If you find a two bedroom you may want to set up the extra bedroom as a studio, or at least like an office if you don't have the equipment yet. That may help a little. It should be a room that's not overly comfortable, anyone who enters will kinda get the point. One of my old study partners did this and I don't remember is wife coming in there much at all. She knew we were there to study or make music.

Ideally, a man cave would be more effective if it was detached from the house in the backyard. That could be used for your studio. I plan on doing something similar with a shop that I want to build, but I'm not done buying all the equipment. I want to have a small lounge room connected to a shop. The lounge room could be said to be a customer waiting area.

Maybe this will help you spring an idea that's applicable to your situation. I realize all of this would be more expensive in your area. Ideally your man cave should be in the backyard, no matter how small the yard is.

 

I think you have to sit her down and be straight with her. You'll be able to do it in a kind way.

She may not have any idea that she's doing that and it's really bothering you.

Does she really talk that much? or is it a situation where she does it at times? If it's at times, it could be at times when she's anxious or nervous. Does she have some friends she can go talk with and talk with on the phone? That might help get some of that out.

I know I have moments when I can get chatty. I'm an introvert who was trained to be an extrovert. I tend to get with men who are rather quiet, creative, focused type who are more introverted than I am.

I've noticed that there are a lot of very chatty women/girls out there going on about nothing. Some of them get even more chatty if they are with a man who's quiet. It's like they get uncomfortable, even insecure, and just go on and on...maybe even get into the whole "what are you thinking" thing. I think that can also be a maturity issue.

It may just be her personality and how she is, but I think it's worth talking to her about it because it may be that she's willing to work on and just needs to be made aware of.

 

Very good point.

When you are working from home, you really need to set things up so you have a separate space, no matter how tight space may be. Creating a physical divide is really important. It's already too easy for people to think you are available 24/7 when you are working from home, especially if you are not a 9-5er.

The other thing you may consider is renting a small space (room?) to work in that's outside of your apartment.

If that doesn't work, encourage her to get out and do more so she's not around all the time.

 

Maybe it's time to develop your "tuning out" skills, I know how you feel though I'm not an incessant talker at home and like to get on with my work.

I pull a bit of a face if I'm interrupted doing something, it's kind of a borderline grimace of annoyance kind of face.
It's not something I enjoy doing but sometimes himself or the kids need to learn to have their own quiet time instead of bothering me with every single little thing.
I understanding being a guy will make doing something similar harder to do without coming off harsh.
But! if it's a longstanding relationship and you know each other well then I don't think it's unfair to have your own quiet time especially if it's for work.

 

Only one option. She needs to be gagged.

You can do it subtly. Like sorry hun I'm just trying to focus here can you please shut ur trap before I put a sock in it.

 

I like this idea, instead just whip out your dick to give her mouth something to do instead.

 

LOL.... Ok.. Mr Kinky.

 

It sounds like you need to expand your skill set and meet her half way :smt021 It's not her fault that you haven't been able to master filtering her conversation or the, "Uh huh" or head nod. Basic skills that are essential for any man in a relationship:smt042

If she was perfect in every way, didn't have to cook and didn't talk a lot - she would be a hot looking blowup doll:smt042