views on the purpose of dating?

Really?!

Damn...I must be living in a cave

 

Yeah that crap comes up often

 

War?

 

That sucks!

but it also doesnt mean we need to buy into it. You aren't going to start acting like any of that.

Just like all the stuff showing females who are trashy and fighting and all the "bad girl" stuff. I'm sure there are those females who will buy into it and start acting like that.

 

You should see value in yourself first not from others ..... You act with self value then they will value you

 

Sex. I don't mind a short-term exclusive relationship (with regular sexy time), but given my profession (Army) and my limited time on this rock, as well as the highly transient nature of things here, it is difficult to maintain anything long term.

 

What you're saying makes sense to me. I wonder why women seem to have the goal-oriented approach and men seem not to? I don't actively seek a relationship when I go on a date. That always seemed kind of improbable to me, as if people were just trying to force something so that they wouldn't be alone. I date to just enjoy an evening in the company of someone I find pleasant to be around. If we both feel like continuing to see each other, great.

 

cost-benefit anaylsis is not so great if you are male...

 

Hahaha

 

And this is the real disconnect for men and women. Not saying it's the rule, but for the most part, men and women approach dating differently. Neither is wrong. But when you think about the way men love their freedom and women seek provision and security, it makes sense. Again, not saying this is true for all men/women.

 

Here's the thing I don't get though. If your goal is love then just go out and create your own security so you don't run into this issue. Doesn't that make more sense?

 

It's bigger than that, TDK. I don't know how to explain it to you. It's almost an intangible thing.

 

Solution ignored. Lets keep this train broken. :smt081

 

Security doesn't necessarily mean financial security. It's knowing that there's someone there who has your back. When the storms of life hit, you have someone by your side to weather the storms. It's someone dependable and reliable with whom to walk life's journey with.

Why do I want to waste my time with someone who says he's just casually dating and just looking to have a good time? Which is often pseudo-speak for "I just want to get laid."

 

Almost sounds like friendship. :-o

I fixed it......just a little.

 

If your friends can be by your side 24/7/365 and you'll make them your 401k beneficiaries and you trust them to make medical decisions for you if need be, and take care of you when you're sick, be there to weather unemployment, family issues, infertility, etc, AND you're intimate with them, live together, cook and eat together, pay bills together, raise children together - all the things spouses do with and for each other - good for you. I know my friends have lives of their own and they're definitely not going to be as much a part of my life as a spouse. But hey - you do you with your wonderful friends.

 

Well....I don't want anyone by my side 24/7. They should know that I have their backs not out a sense of obligation, but because I actually care. I shouldn't have to constantly prove that I actually do care. I would still want my spouse to have a life of her own, yet we can share the things we have in common. You are busy looking at "security" and "finance" and therefore won't see my point.

What you are looking for sounds more like a job description when the bigger picture is considered.

As long as someone handles responsibility, they fit your bill. Whether they actually gaf or not you may never know. I've seen plenty of hustlers with tons of children by different women, but they can throw money at any issue....so maybe it's all good for them and their "responsibilities"

There are plenty of married couples that fit what you are looking for yet only few are happy. That's assuming they even want to be.

I look at character, potential, common ground ect....but you can keep looking at bank statements because money never comes and goes it's reliable.

Some of my friends, men and women have been in my life for a very long time and we don't quarrel with one another. I'll stick with my friendship concept. I have two financial institutions and relatives who care and they don't have to stress over my existence; therefore a potential wife doesn't have to fill a job description, she may pick it up later if she cares. Those concerns are a non-issue to someone who looks beyond the mundane.

 

Cosign
I think in her mind friendship is in a strict box and spouse is in another

 

I don't think it's so much that "men love their freedom". IDK, I think about if I was a man and the women were coming at me with all the expectations that so many do.....I don't know how much I'd be wanting to sign up for all that.

From what I've seen, there's an awful lot of desperation going on. Not a very attractive thing. It's often mixed in with bitterness and unresolved issues.

There are plenty of men out there advertising that they are wanting to get married. Yet I see so many women looking towards men who don't. If we aren't getting what we want, then maybe we need to take a look at what WE are doing and shift things.

I think there is a lot to be said for what TDK is saying about creating our own security. I completely realize that it's more than that. For me, there is something really wonderful about feeling safe and secure in a man's arms and feeling like he has my back in any possible situation. I just think that's something that comes forward from a man naturally when he's really feeling his woman. That doesn't come from a demand or expectation. That's something that comes from feeling appreciated.

Take a look at truly happy couples. I'm betting they didn't approach their relationships with the idea of a checklist of specifics. I know there are some who did and have more of a business arrangement - some of them are very happy too. They are very clear about what they entered into and good with it all.

I'm starting to think that much of the things the men are saying is true. It's tough to know what the women really are wanting. They want the fantasy romance but then they want the business deal.

I think it really needs to be more about focusing on what we have to bring to the table ourselves. Instead of constantly looking out at what others do or do not have or do. Maybe it's a better idea to make sure we are doing everything possible to be the type of partner we would want. It just seems that so many are wanting some sort of fantasy and expecting way too much from the jump. I can get that when someone is 20something...but at 30, 40, 50something it's hard to believe.

 

OHMYGOD. You read my posts with your own skewed viewpoint and make them out to say something they don't. I have been single for 20 years. I have a job, a car, a house. If financial arrangements with someone who is just there to "fit my bill" is all I wanted, don't you think. I could've been married 10 times over by now?! I HAD the dude earning the beaucoup bucks. He makes more in a month than I make in a year. And I was the one that didn't want him to become a physician. Why? Because I wanted quality time with a husband, not money.