views on the purpose of dating?

Alimony is not a given. It happens less and less these days. It is typically dependent upon things such as the length of the marriage, the roles in the marriage, etc. For example if the couple has chosen for one person to work and the other is primarily taking care of the kids and supporting the other in their career, then Alimony will most likely come into play. It's also typically for a specific amount of time, again depending upon the length of the marriage.

Maybe you don't realize that there are sacrifices that come along with being the person to support the other in their career goals and that there is some monetary value there.

 

Yes, and also, when a person doesn't work for an extended period of time they lose out on contributing to their social security and any 401K/pension plans.

So, if a couple in their 40s/50s/60s gets divorced and the woman (it could be men, but it's mostly the women who stayed home) lost out on decades of contributions to her retirement/SS funds, then alimony "makes up for that".

 

I feel if the spouse is working outside the home then alimony should not be given...except maybe in the military situation

 

Often in those situations it is for a specific amount of time and/or money and more meant as a transition.

 

Not to mention things like continuing their education/training and growing in their career. And quite frankly, in typical cases the amount of alimony doesn't make up for the loss of financial contributions to those things. I think there is a huge misconception that most are getting large amounts of Alimony. Most people are not making that type of money to warrant large amounts of Alimony...and those who are, are very clear about the choices they have made in life.

 

This.

I was married for 10 years and was a SAHM largely due to my ex's military career. My ex proposed an amount over and above what he was required to pay for child support in lieu of paying both alimony and child support. My attorney calculated that I would only receive 3 years of alimony which never would've compensated for the lost opportunity to put money away for retirement and especially since I ended up getting nothing of his retirement because he destroyed his career.

 

It's so beyond this really. I see it all the time. People who choose to not get married and one has a stroke, major injury, etc. and then there are issues between the family and the bf or gf. People often think about the situations about life and death but more and more we have situations where it's more of an issue of how one is going to be cared for in a more long term situation, possible lengthy rehabilitation, needing care at home, etc. Even if they have a Health Care Directive, many things are typically not addressed.

 

Yeah. Gotcha

 

Well I have to count on myself for security so I guess I never considered a spouse as an investment vehicle good to know.

 

You should in a way.

 

That's really sad

 

Yep.

I will say though you should invest in a woman but just vet her carefully and then invest. Just make sure you are putting in good seeds.

In any case you will never know how a person will flip on you.

I was watching some crime show and a woman had her husband killed. In all reports he was a good dude.

I'm sure that if he lived and looked back....she showed some signs of shadiness.

 

There is much more than financial security involved in relationships. I'm guessing if you were to be involved with someone, you would want her to be there for you to support you emotionally, mentally, even physically. If something happened to you, I would bet you would want her to be there for you advocating for your care, helping to take care of things you were no longer to do for yourself, etc.

 

That's really a tough one. I actually would hope for death before being a burden in someone's life. We're a weak generation everyone is in it for better not worst.

 

That's somewhat true and it can be surprising when things happen as to who it is who steps forward to help. It's something I deal with everyday in my work. It is something that reminds us of how important our relationships in life really are.

Like it or not, life is filled with compromise and sacrifice.

 

I just want to enjoy what I can and when the end comes I hope there's as little pain as possible that's all you can hope for.

 

Agreed. To me, the hope is more about going quickly..

It used to be that people lived life and then they died. We've (we as a society) have changed things so that it's not quite that simple any more. We intervene and do all sorts of things to extend lives without realizing the implications of people living in limbo. Pain control is no longer an issue, that's been pretty much perfected.

But often it's not about all that too. Sometimes it's more about a temporary situation where you could recover. There are all sorts of different things that happen in life.

 

Yeah, if you're a woman that just wants to have fun or sex. Those of us looking for a relationship have a harder time.

 

Meeting men is easy for women but they have a way harder time finding love which is what they want which is where their complaining comes from. I think a lot of that is their own fault but I get it.

 

Yep. That sums it up pretty well. Except for the last part. Lol