views on the purpose of dating?

When you go on a date, what is your purpose?

Overall, are women's purpose different than men?

 

I don't think it's a matter of the difference being between men or women. I think it's more about the individual and what that individual is looking for at that point.

At different times in my life I have had different purposes in dating. Sometimes the purpose has been different based on the person I was going out with too.

 

You know I read this and re-read it and thought, you have a excellent point and it is actually more accurate for me than what I was actually going to say.

 

Excellent post.

 

I have one purpose for dating and that is to seek love and marriage. In my experience, more women, at least from my generation, seek the same. But I've noticed that most guys seldom have the same approach. If they meet someone they then fall in love with, then they'll consider marriage. They don't look at each woman as a potential spouse. Hope that makes sense.

 

I get it.

Its like a guy walking down the street and find a $100 on the sidewalk.

 

I once read something that talked about how most women go through life looking for "the one" and men live their life and at some point (maybe) they decide it's time to get in a relationship/get married and then they go out and find a woman. So more like for women it's ONE person out there they may spend their life finding. Whereas men will go find a woman to fit what he wants/needs at that time and not driven by thinking there is only ONE out there for them.

I don't know how much I believe all that.

I know plenty of women of all different ages who date who are not looking for a relationship/marriage. They might be looking for sex, or just someone to do things with. I actually know quite a lot of women who are not into doing the whole relationship/marriage thing as they have gotten older. I'm finding more and more men are wanting relationships/marriage as they get older.

 

Marriage? Really?

 

I have heard this discussion over the years. The simple fact is that when it comes to dating, men and women are different in this area. For men, it is about "shopping around." They have options. Sexual intercourse, physically, is important to men and men enjoy it. For women, I think that they are not looking for just anyone because they are a little more patient than men. If it's right and she and the man click, it could go nowhere but up. But, of course, there is the attraction factor.

 

Are you asking that about me or in general?

 

I just figured after a certain point in life it wouldn't be that important. Just a piece of paper.

 

Do you remember who you're talking to? Lol

Oh and a hundred dollar bill and a college diploma are just pieces of paper, too....

 

I think though by that same token, as some get older that "piece of paper" may become more and more important. As we get older, many people like stability and solidifying their relationship (and the idea of their future) is part of that.

 

It's not just a piece of paper until you try to leave and start a new relationship.

 

When I was dating after my marriage ended, my purpose was just to enjoy life. I wasn't looking for love, not a boyfriend, no sort of relationship even. I was just looking to meet people, enjoy time out of the house and acclimate myself to being single after having been taken my whole life lol. I think had I been "looking for love", I'd probably have been disappointed often. To me, love has to find you, not the other way around. When you're looking for it I think you can become blind to reality sometimes because you want something so badly.

When I met the love of my life, I knew pretty early on that he was absolutely, positively IT for me. Long term wasn't something I was looking for or something I'd really thought about (he was the same way...not looking for anything specific but open to whatever was meant to be) but it's like fate took over and everything just fell right into place. He is without a doubt my peace, my calm. Has been since day ONE. I believe with all my heart and soul that the best, mos sincere, lifelong lasting love will find you when it's time.

 

Great to hear you describe your relationship Raider, very happy for you both!

 

There's a lot of truth to that. That so called "piece of paper" can become very important in later years. I see it all the time, when someone has a stroke or other situations. They may have a long time relationship but suddenly it becomes an issue with family members. This is part of the reason there was such a strong fight for marriage rights for LGBT

I think there also may be a big difference in how different generations have viewed marriage overall. It will be interesting to see how some of the younger generations who are dismissive about marriage will be as they age.

 

It's definitely been different reasons at various points in my life. In my early 30s... it was to meet somone, and hopefully go forward in a LTR. After I was over my separation (and eventual divorce) it was to put myself out there without anything serious.

The last time it was to meet someone again with hopes that we clicked and moved toward a LTR.

Good point, and I can understand people looking for stability, especially if the intent is to be in it for the long haul.

Yes. Nowadays, it seems to be more common for folks to be satisfied being together unmarried.

 

My issue with the piece of paper is I work incredibly hard. I sacrifice sleep, personal time with family and friends to build my life and I just don't agree with the idea of giving it up because a relationship ends. Child support is a different issue but just not a fan of alimony/palimony. I keep what I work for you keep what you work for. A relationship shouldn't be an investment vehicle.

 

That "piece of paper" becomes even more important as we age, because that "piece of paper" gives you the ability to make life and death decisions for your spouse.

It will also gain you access to a deceased spouse's pension/social security (I think).

There are more legal reasons, but you get the gist...

Why do you think the gay community has been trying to get gay marriage legalized? For those reasons listed above.

This, too. Stability later in life is comforting.