Submissive...

Discussion in 'Conversations Between White Women and Black Men' started by suprchic73, May 21, 2008.

  1. suprchic73

    suprchic73 New Member

    my husband and i were talking yesterday about women being submissive to their husbands/b.f's, etc. we had actually been watching tv and there were 2 couples - a ww/wm and bw/bm. with the white couple, the man took care of the problem, while his wife quietly gave her input and then backed him up. with the black couple, the woman took charge and her husband didn't get a single word in.

    while we were dating, my husband would tell me that one of the biggest things that attracted him to me was the fact that i was submissive to him. don't get me wrong though, i am very opinionated, but i still feel that my husband should be head of the household. and i've read on other IR boards where some bm have said that being submissive is a "quality" that they have found in alot of ww. and just so no one jumps my case, i'm not saying that being submissive is for everyone...or that ladies, you should bow down to your man, or give him every little thing he needs. when i say submissive, i mean more in the realm of respecting your man. letting him be the "head", but you're his righthand chick....his cheerleader...you're in his corner, coaching and helping him, but in the end letting him call the shots. does that make sense?

    so anyway...i'm wondering...men, is it true?...is a submissive woman a turn-on? have you found ww to be more submissive than bw? there is no right or wrong answer...i'm just curious. :) [/i]
     
  2. Loki

    Loki Well-Known Member


    I think more accurate terms would be "supportive" and "respectful" rather than submissive. I know what you are trying to say here, but I think "submissive" is such a polarizing word that many folks just cant get past it, I have heard many feminist take issue with the Bible for saying that wives should be "submissive" to their husbands, even though most biblical scholars interpret submissive to be "supportive and respectful" not a doormat.

    To answer your question, a big RESOUNDING YESSSSSS, a supportive, and respectful woman is a huge turn-on. That being said, the man in question has to be WORTH of that support and respect in my opinion. If I have learned anything in 17 years of marriage, its that a successful relationship is a two way street of respect and support.
     
  3. suprchic73

    suprchic73 New Member

    loki,
    thanks for your insight. i appreciate it. i think the words "respect" and "support" are probably better choices too...i was trying to clarify that - i'm glad you understood what i meant. hopefully other people will too. :)
     
  4. Newpowermoves

    Newpowermoves New Member

    Before I respond to your question, let me say I have a big problem how television influences the beliefs about and of our society. The example you gave above is a perfect case in point. I realize these aren't insinuations that you're making so I'm not accusing you of any anything. However, a tv program shows a WM/WW couple and she's submissive. Fine. More power to their relationship. The same program shows a BM/BW couple and she's the exact opposite. This leads many to believe this behavior or character trait is in the majority of black women which is patently ridiculous.

    I've known many (emphasis on many) white females who aren't submissive, who are boisterous and who don't let their significant other take the lead. Years ago, I used to work with a young lady who controlled every aspect of her boyfriend's life and he didn't seem to be bothered. Take a guess at her ethnicity. And she's just one example.

    In response to your question, I don't really have a preference. It depends on the woman but in general, as long as she isn't an extreme case on either end, we'll get along fine. Each women is unique (like that really needed to be said, right?). So I may not like the fact that female "A" is assertive but not mind the same characteristic in female "B" (as long as she's not telling me what to eat :D ).
     
  5. Moskvichka

    Moskvichka New Member

    When you don't have true love, a power struggle replaces it... when you truly love a man, you WANT to respect and submit to your husband in the sense that you trust him, you rely on him. In the same fashion a man would do anything for a woman he loves without worrying "what's in it for me." Isaac served what was it 14 years for Rachel "because he loved her," the Bible says. I know that some women have a problem with old-fashioned vows "love, honor and obey." What? I would LOVE to say that I vow to obey my husband, that I'm entrusting my life to him. The altar is the place to profess your deepest love and devotion... not the place for a power struggle!
     
  6. Tony Soprano

    Tony Soprano Moderator

    Okay, now to accurately answer your question I’ll just get right to the point. Yes a submissive woman is a turn-on, and I have found that ww are definitely more submissive than bw. Now I can’t speak for every ww, but this is just from my own experiences. Me for example, I definitely want someone with an opinion and I want her to give me her input. I will listen to what she has to say, but I want to be the one who makes the final call. If the shoe is on the other foot then I will stand behind her 100%.

    I’m not saying that I’m always right, but I usually am because I always rely on simple logic to solve any problem which helps me to delegate that much better. Now I don’t believe in any way that all ww are puppets who will lay down on cue, what I am saying is that ww won’t go out of their way to tear me down and emasculate me just to make a point.

    Superchic you said it best; we want more of a right-hand chick, a cheerleader, a woman who is always in my corner, coaching and helping me, but in the end letting me call the shots. I don’t want my woman to fear me; I want her to respect me. Once that level of respect is built up, she knows that she will be heavily rewarded for her part in the relationship. In my experiences, bw have almost completely lost sight of that.

    I want a wife, not an overseer.
     
  7. shyandsweet

    shyandsweet New Member

    Superchik I am just like you in this respect. I do respect my man(still taking applicants at this time)!! I still will have my own opinions and my own ideas-but I prefer for the man to be the "Head of the Household" and make the major decisions with my input. I am an independent woman-but with the man I love I tend to be submissive.
     
  8. tuckerreed

    tuckerreed New Member

    awesome, i love biblically submissive women(submissive to Gods will) not submissive in the worldly sense of under the foot of men.

    she can be a rachel, a ruth, a Mary and still be strong, having education and opinions, without understanding that submissive to the leadership of her husband is the will of God.


    if women can forgo Gods call of submissiveness, should then the man have the right to forgo Gods call for the man to love his wife?
     
  9. ladeda

    ladeda New Member

    im in the minority here.

    I dislike submissive women. Submissive discourse is suspect and I always subconsciously read that as weak. Every girlfriend that I have had that has had that trait will get cheated on and walked all over by me. I need a woman to bang heads with. But its a two way street, I need someone to stand up to me and I will have an understanding to step down, and then the reverse of that will happen where I will step up and she will step back. I just dislike weak women. But I also wouldn't like to be controlled and I wouldn't like to control a woman either.
     
  10. shyandsweet

    shyandsweet New Member

    You are confusing the term submissive here. I for one, would not put up with any disrespect, cheating, or bad behavior. I don't have a weak bone in my body. Maybe some submissive women are weak- but not this one! Just recently send one guy on her way- after lieing to me! It is more of a respect thing. And I like for my guy to step up and BE A MAN. that's just me!
     
  11. tuckerreed

    tuckerreed New Member

    yes, we are not talking of weak here, as i mentioned strong women, we are talking of submissive. I perhaps am not talking about submissive in the terms the world. I mean that a woman submits herself to God, to her husband(respecting his leadership as head of the family, as christ is head of the church) and so we as the church, the bride submit ourselves to the authority. but she still is an individual with a mind and views, and leanings and desires all her own.
     
  12. suprchic73

    suprchic73 New Member

    wow, it's really nice to see all the Biblical references on here. you guys make me smile! :wink:
     
  13. ladeda

    ladeda New Member

    Perhaps I am confusing the term. But going off of what other people posted it seems to me like the qualities mentioned are the qualities that turn me off. The women in question that I walked all over didnt just roll over and take it, people have emotions and react accordingly. My reaction is towards the type of woman that gives me her all too soon, one that has blinders on and will thoroughly comply with my statements. I need a split, 50/50. I cant remember who said what but just because a woman isnt submissive that does not mean that she is working to emasculate you.

    Maybe I am too career driven and would much rather prefer to tell someone to f***off rather than get lovey dovey, I expect any partner of mine to be just as cut throat and cold but warm when the moments permit.
     
  14. suprchic73

    suprchic73 New Member

    i can totally see where you are coming from...but i do think you are not grasping what i originally meant by the term "submissive". you said you are turned off by women who give you their all too soon, and that agree with every word that comes from your mouth. that is not being submissive on any level...that's being a doormat for someone who thinks that can walk all over you. submissive does not equal doormat.

    my husband will tell you that i am probably the most opinionated and passionate woman he has ever met....but at the same time i am submissive to him as the "head of the household". i can lay it on him like nobody's business, but when it comes to making decisions i let him make the final decision. not b/c i am a weak woman, but b/c i respect and honor my man's right to be the "man of the house".
     
  15. shyandsweet

    shyandsweet New Member

    Well said superchik.
     
  16. suprchic73

    suprchic73 New Member

    thanks, girl. :)
     
  17. tuckerreed

    tuckerreed New Member

    personally, if she isnt educated adn thinking for herself, i am not interested. true christian submission doesnt mean giving up personality, interests, views, but seeing that they are integrated into the wholistic life of the couple and family
     
  18. Bookworm616

    Bookworm616 Well-Known Member

    But what if a guy doesn't listen to reason and/or doesn't give a rat's ass about anyone but himself? And never has his wife's and/or children's best interests at heart? :?
     
  19. Loki

    Loki Well-Known Member


    Very good point, that is why I said that in my opinion, the man must be WORTHY of such respect, support and encouragement. It is most certainly a two way street.
     
  20. tuckerreed

    tuckerreed New Member

    A decent, good woman shouldnt be dating or marrying a guy who is selfcentered and harsh--that is what the dating period is for-to get to know the person well, see what their disposition is, if they have a temper, are rude, disrespectful to you, other women, other people, the elderly etc. see if they are loving, generous, caring, kind, thoughtful, sensitive to the needs of others, not materialistic or egotistical. Then you can see if he is marriage material and will for you to submit yourself to him and for him to truly LOVE you.

    no judging but most people think that the dating period is about sex, shacking up, laughs and not really about the growing in knowledge of the other person, thats why we have the highest rates of divorce in the world. people dont have a clue about committment, submission, love, and bonding
     

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