Why I usually don't look at BBW

I want every single lady here to read this thread and try to understand where I'm coming from. I'm not saying that there isn't any attractive plus size women. I've seen 3 plus size women on this forum that I find attractive. SO don't think this is an attack on big girls. The last thing I want here if for any of the women feel less than or unsure of themselves. What I do want is to bring something to the attention of the men and women here.

I'm sure everyone here already knows that I only date white women. The white women I usually date think to borderline thick. I have never dated or been interested in dating a BBW for a few reasons that has nothing to do with their looks. I've notice that big white women that date black men usually do it out of a position of weakest. Like they usually don't get approached that much by men and have very low self esteems. I believe that most of these women don't like us forreal. I'm convinced that most of them only date us because they feel like we are the only ones who would take them. I know that if most of these big white women felt that they had other options they wouldn't give a nigga the time of day.

This is an example of what I'm talking about.
Dream Blue

"Funny...

That's the reason I don't really date WM too much. Occasionally, I meet one who's not so brainwashed by society that he insists on my being a size 2, despite my medical condition (a few of them have even told me my medical problems are all in my head...um..Yeah, right!).

Almost all of the white men I know want to bang the fat chick but marry the supermodel. It's damn ridiculous.

Of course, there are exceptions to every rule in every race, and I seek them out, no matter what color they are."


Basically she's saying that the men of her race don't want her that's the only reason she's not with one of them. She not here because she love us. She's here out of desperation. Now I don't have any objections to anyone finding love. I actually encourage everyone to go out and find love wherever they can. However, the beef I got with a Dreaming Blue and women like her is that they're not dating black men love. They not dating us because they think highly of us or prefer us. They only with us because in their minds they believe that the men of their race don't want them. They don't feel like they good enough for the men in their own community, yet they feel like they good enough for us. That is what I'm offends me the most and happens to be the main reason I never looked a big white woman as a dating option.

You see I date white women because I choose to date them. I can go out there right now and find me a top notch black, Latina, Asian, or Indian woman. I choose white women because I think of highly of them. I prefer white women because I find them to be the most attractive. I love the way white women take of their men. I don't date white women because black women don't want me. I don't pursue white women because I think they're easy, submissive, or anything foolish stereotype. I'm date them because I love them and always have.

In this country black men are viewed as being the lowest of the low. Big women are viewed in this society as being undesirable. I think most of these big white women that pursue black men have brought into this way of thinking. I personally don't give a fuck about the stereotypes and jokes people make about us black men dating fat white girls. What I do care about is how these plus size white women view black men? Are they interested in us because they really want us, or are they just chasing us because they don't want to be lonely? Also, why do older white women who was never interested in a nigga all of a sudden want to date nothing but black men?

 

Now ladies please don't take this the wrong way. I'm not saying negative about big girls at all. I'm just pointing out some of the shit that I've seen over the years. And Dreaming Blue post kinda rubbed me the wrong and I want to discuss it with you all. For all the plus size white women who are in our corner and got love us your boy Trey is definitely giving you love back. So understand that none of this applies to you.

 

There may very well be truth to what you're saying... I don't really know anything about that. Personally, that's not me. I think the percentage of black men who I've met (either in person or through this forum) who are attracted to me is roughly the same as the percentage of white men I've known in my life, so... I see no big difference. There are plenty of white men who love fuller figured women, I've never really understood that stereotype about black men being more accepting...

I'm attracted to black men for a multitude of reasons. I'm also attracted to white men. But when it comes to the men I make a connection with, the men I develop feelings for... skin colour goes out the window, it's not even something I think about after initially meeting someone.

Honestly, I assume any guy prefers skinny girls unless I'm told otherwise. It's mostly true anyway, black or white!

 

I agree with all of this.

I'm with you - I don't understand the 'more accepting' thing. I get where you're coming from also, Trey. I can understand not wanting to date someone who's only with you because men of their own ethnicity think they're too fat. I wouldn't like to be someone's last resort.

I don't have any issues with white men as a whole and white men have in no way affected my decision to date black men. It's because of black men I date black men.

 

Although I can't speak for DB....what you quoted from her could be taken in two ways. The first being the way you took it...as slightly offensive to yourself and the rest of BM out there.

The second is how I read it. A mere observation of exactly why black men are more appealing and so much more of a positive influence in a girls life.

Let me explain....

I've dealt with weight issues my whole life. A lot of it....even when I was my thinnest...was mainly just my own insecurities and terrible mental shit that young girls put themselves through as they constantly degrade themselves. However, white men do put a certain scrutiny on being thin and looking "supermodel-esk" I've had boyfriends through all of my weight gains/losses and they all appreciated my curves...so its not saying that those white men aren't out there. They like a nice ass and thick thighs as much as the next dude.....but as much as there are cultural ad societal norms in black culture for BW to be curvacious and love their thickness....the norms for WM is thin thin thin thin thinnnnn.

I started dating black men recently in the last 2 years or so. I've always been attracted to BM...always had them hit on me and I was flattered...but for one reason or another I had never seriously been in a relationship with one. I met Ty (my first black boyfriend) when I was at a very low point in my life. He managed to make me feel like the single most beautiful, wonderful, and perfect woman in a room within the first 10 minutes of meeting him. That was something I'll never forget.....

I'm rambling...but my point is this. Many of you strong, intelligent black men have this innate ability to bring out a self-confidence in WM that we ourselves have been told by our own culture shouldn't exist based simply on the size of our jeans. It's an amazing quality. I won't say that that quality is what MAKES our attraction exist, but think about it from our point of view....wouldn't you want someone that appreciated you for all you are? Wouldn't that make BM more appealing than WM that judge us?

 

This is what I didn't want right here. I know that you're a cool down to earth lady. You don't have to explain you position. The women that I'm talking about knows exactly who they are.

Liquid thank you for understanding where I'm coming from. I don't want to cause in trouble here. I'm not even mad at the women that I described. I just want that these things might apply to check themselves. Don't use us because you feel like you can't get none of the men that you really want.

This exactly what I'm talking about right here. Why did you have to be at a low point to give a nigga a chance? Don't think I'm coming at you or anything like that. I just can't see why do some white women open up to a nigga when their self esteem is low. For example; you got old ass white women who didn't fuck with a nigga all through their teens, twenties, or thirties. Now that they are past their prime they will loving a nigga. I really don't understand it.

 

How would I know your dating trends dude, so please, not everyone, (at least not me) knows about your dating affairs
That aside, I may agree with you about some(Not all!!) dejected white mamas opting for the black man out of loneliness. Case in point is what goes on along Kenyan Coast...old white women paying young black men for company and sex.

 

:smt056

 

Wow...before you go quoting me and calling me out about something, Trey, maybe you should ASK me if the way you're reading it is the way I meant it.

Fortunately, StephanieMarie understands.

And taking ONE comment I've made out of a few hundred at this point, scrutinizing it and chopping it down to size to prove a point without ever having spoken to me, or knowing anything about me.....IS an attack. I am less than thrilled with you right now, which is fine, because you apparently have beef with me and I could really give a shit about it.

However, let me clear a few things up for you...just so you don't have to go searching through threads to wind it all together.

I did say that I don't date WM too much- occasionally I do. They're usually not interested in me, nor I in them. I do prefer to date BM, but I do not limit myself to color. If I am attracted to someone, and we hit it off, I will date them. Throughout the years though, I've learned that WM will sometimes 'date' me in between a 'real' relationship...like I said 'they'll bang the fat chick but marry the supermodel'. It's hurtful. THAT'S what I was talking about in that comment- that's been my experience as of late. I've been caught up in this a few times, and it hurts. What it did was not drive me in the arms of BM, it started to make me rethink giving WM a chance. I've dated BM for years...I've dated men of all colors for years- but more of them have been BM.

BM, overall, are confident about themselves, sexy, don't give a crap what others think, and make me feel amazing. I love a man with confidence, poise, and as I said in another thread....presence. Generally, they're as real as they possibly CAN be. I've had more BM tell me that they find bigger girls are 110 times better in bed than a skinny little twig- now you could just as easily twist that to mean that some BM hate skinny girls. Nah, they just found that from experience, they like bigger girls...but they wouldn't be opposed to dating a smaller girl if it worked out! Give it up. We all have our things that we find out through experience- and it's never a huge sampling...it's JUST OUR EXPERIENCE. You cannot judge someone because they express an opinion based on something that's happened to them... because IT HAS HAPPENED TO THEM.

I do NOT date BM because they're my 'last resort'. Anyone who has heard me talking long enough knows that about me....and that was ONE comment in a larger conversation that you take completely out of context.

Please, DO NOT do it again. If you have any questions about something I've said, feel free to e-mail me instead of throwing it out on the damn forum like a kid throwing a tantrum.

 

You need to calm the fuck down. I wasn't even attacking you shawty. What the fuck are you talking about? I was just using you as an example to prove my point. You fit the description of the type of white women I'm talking about whether you like it or not. Now you might be a very good person which I do not doubt. But the way I see it you basically use niggas to be boost your self esteem. You know damn well in this country you are considered to be the bottom of the barrel. So don't come on here making it seem like you rejecting white niggas or anybody else. You basically taking what you can get ma. Just keep it real and stop bullshittin. Now I would go on you for coming at me fucked up like you did. But I'm going to do that. You were just defending yourself and I'm sure most men and women here would do the same. Just remember to watch the way talk to me from now on.

 

First of all nigga I wasn't talking to you. In fact, I don't even know who the fuck you are.

 

So, you call me "bottom of the barrel" because I'm not skinny- who's judging whom here, Trey? And don't tell me to watch it, I hardly came at you. I could have said a lot, but it's your mouth that got you into trouble here, so be a man and own up to it. You hurt me. You do owe me an apology since you DON'T know me.

Overall, my self esteem is FINE. I don't use anyone for anything, and it does piss me off that you use me as an example for your warped philosophy.

 

Lets get something straight Ms Blue. I'm not calling you the bottom of the barrel. If I'm not mistaken you're the chick with the nose ring, right? If you so you're a very pretty lady. I didn't see the rest of you but you're certainly not ugly at all. I do apologize if you thought that I was saying that you're a bottom of the barrel chick. What I was saying is that in this society plus size chicks like yourself are considered to be the bottom of the barrel.

 

How pathetic! and I thought by anyone posting anything on an open forum, then it is meant for all and sundry. So why not address your fucking shit to whom it may concern?
And you don't need to know who I am for your info dude, this a fucking world wide forum and never expect to know who is responding to your comments all the time:!: Will you just get over your tantrums and put on a mature attitude for your own good?:smt013

 

I'll be the first to admit that I don't know everything. I could be wrong but I don't think I am. When I was in Cali I seen this shit everywhere I went. You had big ww who were rejected by white dudes and then they turn around and run to us. You also had a lot of skank as white women who pursue us after they have sluttin. You had old ass white women who gave their best years to some white nigga (which is cool) but now they just have to have a nigga after 45 years of living their life. I have came to the conclusion that this society don't want to see us have anything good. Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying all because a woman plus size she's not good woman or attractive woman. What I'm saying is that most of the ones I've came across don't feel like they worth anything. The only people they feel like they're a price to is us.

 

I want to let you know that I'm sorry for putting you on that spot like that and hurting your feeling. I want you to know that I was saying that you were a bottom of the barrel woman. I feel really bad that you took it that way. I don't apologize for hardly anything that I post here no matter offensive it might have been. I am apologizing this time because I think we just had a misunderstanding. Do you forgive me?

 

Now that is the kind of attitude that is typical of a nigga a.k.a African American. And that right there is the clear difference between the real African brotha and a diluted self loathing nigger!
The feeling is mutual my friend, I also don't give a damn about knowing you. Who are you to ma anyway? As long as there are other open minded members within the forum, then believe me, I won't waste an erg about you, period!!:smt070

 

Trey, thanks for the apology. And yes, I am the one with the nose ring, so thanks for that, too.

We all got into it a long time ago about BBWs and BM, and what bothers me is that the consensus seems to be- if you're. BBW and like BM, you're desperate, but if you're skinny and like BM, you're fine. It's the same everywhere.

I wish plus-sized women were better understood and appreciated. Not everyone can be skinny- frankly, my doctor flat out told me if I'm ever below a 16, it'd be a miracle. Not everyone is like that, obviously, but I've made peace with who I am and gravitate towards people who are ok with themselves and me, too. I'm not sure how you can call that desperate or last resort. If you touch the stove and get burned, you won't touch the stove again.

I strongly believe that our experiences shape our attractions. I can remember the first BM I was enamoured with at 16- we had so much fun together that I was always extremely attracted to BM ever since.

What I did not like was you pegging me as something I am not, and making me feel like I had to defend my attraction. I already have to do that with my racist mother and frankly, it gets exhausting.