Recently I was given a momento that belonged to Ladylily. As a token of my friendship with her Mother Ladylily's daughter gave me a framed print that her Mother had made herself. I'll always cherish it. She'd used her computer and printer to do a quote in a elegant font in burgundy on parchment paper with dark green matting and a gold frame. It's a handsome print. It's a quote from her favorite book "My Several Worlds" by Pearl S. Buck. I was surprised to hear Ladylily had been studying with a Chinese tutor to learn the Mandarin Chinese language and calligraphy the last year before she passed away. I knew she was interested in African culture but I didn't know she was interested in Asian.

Here's the quote -

"But I could not bear preaching from any white man, knowing what white men had done in Asia, even as today in my own country I cannot go into a church and hear white men preach when I know that were a black man to enter it is likely that no place could be found for him to sit and listen to the story of God's love for mankind, and so there is no seat for me, either, in such churches. And this is because I grew up in China, in one world and not of it, and belonging to another world and yet not of it."

This quote proves to me again that Ladylily was geniune and down to earth. She had no tolerance for ignorant people who were prejudiced and hypocritical. It also bothered her to see black men and black women argue with one another about IR. She felt that we were tearing the fiber of the black race apart by belittling one another. We talked about this shortly after I told her about ww/bm in early 2000. It bothered her to read the heated debates that took place back then. In her idealistic way she longed to see people live in peace with one another. I wish all of you had known her as I did. Her passing is a loss to all of us. She was an angel.

By Swampfox8 (63.31.210.3) on Saturday, July 21, 2001 - 08:52 pm:

Sorry to hear about Ladylily.

By Macy (64.157.61.66) on Saturday, July 21, 2001 - 04:44 pm:

an online freind had just informed me about the unfortunate news. Before anyone jumps on me with more FALSE allegations and the such it needs to be made clear that I have in fact communicated with Lily on numerous occasions before all of this happened. I got to know a very sweet lady and I felt very fortunate that she looked to me for advice and companionship as I did her as well. Its unfortunate that alot of the things troubled her the way they had, there is never any good to come out of something like this,but she is at peace now...............................

By Kenneth (205.188.192.54) on Friday, July 20, 2001 - 11:38 am:

You've all been so kind. I feel compelled to add this. Last year when we watched the video "Somewhere in Time" at her home Ladylily told me she had honeymooned as a young woman of nineteen at the Grand Hotel where that movie was filmed. It was one of her favorite movies.

By Melirosa (208.48.12.181) on Friday, July 20, 2001 - 09:53 am:

kenneth-
i am so sorry for your loss. you words are a clear picture of the pain that you are feeling. although your heart is breaking now, time will heal eventually, hopefully sooner than later. just remember all of the beautiful things you knew about her. pray for peace, yours and hers. life is a strange journey, full of winding roads and unexpected happenings, how we deal with each of them, teaches us our life lessons and gives us strength to deal with what comes next. ladylilly seems as though she just had too many to bear and she weakened which drove her to her dispair. always remember the smell of the the vanilla coffee and roses. try not to think of the choice she made in her weakest hour, her life was worth more than that. take care kenneth, i hope you are able to find peace.

By Kenneth (205.188.192.22) on Friday, July 20, 2001 - 09:00 am:

Webmaster my thanks to you and all the others here that have been kind enough to express their condolences on behalf of Ladylily. You're right she had everything going for her but she'd gone through some horrific things in her lifetime (physical abuse that had permanently damaged her spine. She'd had many surgeries to ease to pain). Although she had risen above it and made the most of her life. She finally had everything the world could offer. Everything except the love she needed so much. Her kids were adults living their own lives. One of them had been missing for nearly a year when she died. She'd exhausted all efforts to try to find him. It bothered her greatly because he'd always kept in touch with her. She thought he must be dead. After going through so much in her life she finally she fell passionately in love with someone. It must have meant everything to her. When she lost the one she loved she grieved herself to death rather than live the rest of her life without him. For her the loss was tragic. I saw a movie "Somewhere in Time" where the man loses the woman he passionately loves and he literally grieves himself to death because life meant nothing without her. In many ways she was a strong woman and I never heard her complain about anything. I didn't know about the tragedies in her life until her daughter told me recently. Doveone I don't know if the family will still have her book published. They're taking care of her business affairs so it's possible they'll see to it. I don't know where their family cemetery is. They wouldn't tell me that. I know they're very protective of it. They said it's on private property and it's over 200 years old. I know Spade is right so I'll stop writing about Ladylily but I won't forget her. She was a LADY in the true sense of the word. I'll always see her lovely face in my mind. I'll always remember that her home smelled like vanilla coffee and roses from her garden.

By Webmaster (216.219.240.229) on Thursday, July 19, 2001 - 11:09 pm:

I am really sorry and shocked to hear about Ladylily. I'd spoken with her by email a couple of times many months ago when things were chaotic here on the message boards.

She had so much going for her, which makes this even harder to understand.

Makes you realize that behind every screen name there is a real person with feelings, hopes, dreams, and sorrows.

I am sure everyone here is thinking, as I am -- if only I could have done something to change the outcome.

I'd like to officially offer condolences on behalf of this website to Ladylily's friends, family, and all those who've been touched by this tragedy.

Webmaster

By Doveone (63.28.239.204) on Thursday, July 19, 2001 - 09:08 pm:

Kenneth:

I am very sad about the untimely passing of Lady Lily. Such a tragedy, such a waste of a human life. I spoke with her not long ago about her poetry and she told me that she was having another book published late summer and that the first one is out of print. I do hope that it will be published anyway. I still would like to obtain a copy if it is published. Also would like to have a copy of the first one if anyone has an extra one. If you know the name and location of the family cementary where she is buried, I would greatly appreciate you posting it here as in traveling someday I might visit if traveling nearby. Again I wish to convey my sadness understand your grief as I have been there, losing a husband who also comitted suicide. Time is the best healer, you will always remember but the pain becomes less in time. She was a great lady and will be missed. God will help you get through, just draw close to him in your sorrow.


Doveone

By Spade (216.86.128.144) on Thursday, July 19, 2001 - 07:25 pm:

Kenneth,

Thank you again for bringing her last post on this board back to be remembered and appreciated. You most certainly make a very critical point and what you have written should be taken very seriously, however in defense of those here I must mention that this board has been very dead over the last past weeks and many here may not have been checking the board as often as they used to because of it. If anyone here could have anticipated such a tragedy it would not have happened. Kenneth you seem like a noble man, and I can not imagine the pain you must be going through. I believe that Lily would have thought highly of your intense mourning of her loss and thorough evaluation of her hardships. Yet as grievious as her suicide is it was her decision. We can ponder a million times on the things we could have done to save her, but in the end she will still be asleep in death. This reality cannot mend a greiving heart as some wounds never heal, time is the best ointment and even it sometimes is not enough.

By Kenneth (205.188.192.31) on Thursday, July 19, 2001 - 12:27 pm:

A friend of mine pointed out that Ladylily left a message here that no one responded to. It sounded like she was reaching out for help to deal with inner turmoil. Sometimes people can't talk to friends and family but they will talk to strangers. It's possible she didn't feel comfortable talking to anyone close to her so she was asking for help here but she was ignored. Read this:

By Ladylily (64.12.102.154) on Thursday, July 5, 2001 - 11:28 am:

In your search for love many of you have gone through experiences that have made you stronger and wiser. These wisdoms could be of help to those who are struggling with similar situations. Are any of you willing to share your thoughts on the following questions? Does time really help you forget the one you've loved more than anyone else...do you ever get over it? What method of thought can one use not to become involved in future relationships that could lead to heartbreak? How do you know for sure that he/she is right for you? Thanks! ~ Ladylily

If I'm right about this she needed to talk about it. It sounds like she was suffering from the loss of a man she loved. She picked the wrong one to love because he must not have cared as much about her as she did him. I wish she'd chosen me because she wouldn't have died. I could've made her life wonderful and I wouldn't have let anyone hurt her. I'm torn up about this. I hope in the future when it looks like people need to talk others will respond with the kindess they need. It could save a life. Think about it!

By Ishvara (208.37.109.150) on Thursday, July 19, 2001 - 12:24 pm:

This is all simply too sad and tragically unnecessary. To all those who knew and loved her, I offer my heartfelt condolences. If only she realized her own specialness.

By Mindkandy (172.138.85.170) on Thursday, July 19, 2001 - 02:45 am:

I am -deeply- sorry to hear this. I have read her comments on my board lately and on this one for quite a while. I never knew her personally but this really saddens me. What I have learned has brought tears to my eyes. I wish she could have hung in and dealt with the issues that plagued her. I don't take depression lightly and know how it is to be at that point in life. Her daughter will be in my prayers. Bless her soul.

By Melirosa (208.48.12.181) on Wednesday, July 18, 2001 - 04:53 pm:

i have not posted here in a while but i am very sorry to hear about ladylilly. she seemed to have been a very insightful woman with a lot of talent. i did not know her well, but i enjoyed reading her posts. what torment she must have been experiencing within to end her own life! for those of you who knew her personally, i offer my condolences. take care.

By Mad_scientist (63.42.244.227) on Wednesday, July 18, 2001 - 04:02 pm:

I've never known here personally, but we did speak through email a few times, and she seemed like a nice person. This upset me. She was a young woman with a life ahead of her. Death like this just leaves you wondering, Why? I hope that this is a lesson to everyone. Make the most of your life, because it could be you next. Make sure that you tell your loved ones that you love them. Try to keep peace at each other at all costs because you just never know what might happen.

By Kenneth (205.188.192.153) on Wednesday, July 18, 2001 - 11:11 am:

Thank you Spade for sharing your appreciation for her too. I was beginning to think no one else cared but Mad Scientist and me. It's sad to find that so few people knew how special she was. All I can think about is the last time I saw her. I carried her sax case to her car and I watched her walk ahead of me. The sun was shimmering on her long carmel hair accenting the gold tones in it. When she turned around to thank me I looked into those unforgettable blue eyes. She looked so beautiful. I watched her drive away and she waved goodby. I don't believe there can be another woman for me. No one can replace what she meant. There was something unique about her like no other woman I've met. She wasn't a sophisticated worldly kind of woman. She had an enchanting childlike innocence about her but she was softly sexy. Something about her reminded me of a mermaid sprite or fairy. She had an adorable smile that lite up a room and she was keenly intelligent. I'm considering writing a song dedicated to her memory to play at each performance in honor of her. And maybe I could do a website dedicated to the things she liked best like music and literature. Her favorite place to be was near water. She said once that she liked to walk on the beach at Sandy Hook NJ after a storm that it was soothing. I remember she listened to "Oceanic" by Vangelis when I was at her home a few times. It was one of her favorite pieces because it sounded like the sea. But she also liked "Out of Africa" because she wanted to go there and she collected African things. Ladylily was quiet and shy but when she walked on stage to play the sax she was bold and expressive. She was a star.

By Spade (198.5.149.129) on Wednesday, July 18, 2001 - 02:52 am:

Kenneth,

I humbly thank you for taking the time to honor the memory of Ladylily. Your heartfelt expressions of grief, understanding, and recognition of her character and experiences in these days of sorrow gives respect to her name and noble credit to your own. There are times in death where condolences are not enough, it takes authenic appreciation of a life that once lived to truly grieve when it is lost. On July 14, 2001 the world lost a wonderful woman and I too will mourn her loss and remember her words:

By Kenneth (152.163.206.176) on Wednesday, July 18, 2001 - 01:39 am:

It'll make me feel better to do something to honor the life of Ladylily. I wish I'd been closer to her maybe she'd still be with us. I've talked about her talent as a musician but I hadn't spoken about her writing ability. She wrote with deep feeling. I have a copy of her book she had published a few years ago. From it I want to share her first poem in the book.

Great Loss

Great loss hath scourged this empty breast
Where once my loving heart did rest
Torn from its strings unknowingly
By one who meant the world to me

How could he see yet be so blind
Forfeit my love and leave me behind
Perhaps endurance is the key
If I am to live and someday be free

To give up now release my fate
Never to know the love that waits
His touch his kiss his love at last
Nothing between us what is past is past

Great loss hath scourged this empty breast
Where once my loving heart did rest

All her poetry touched me but this one especially. It said that she had known sorrow. The Ladylily I knew seemed happy for the most part so she had learnt to overcome pain. Something or someone brought sorrow back into her life only this time she didn't overcome it and she lost the battle. She affected me the same way the woman did the guy in the movie when he says "you make me want to be a better man". She deserved love and happiness. I wish I could've been the guy to give that to her. There's nothing more to say except I wish you'd known her then you'd understand the things I've said.

By Kenneth (205.188.192.59) on Tuesday, July 17, 2001 - 03:49 am:

I'm sure everyone's as shocked as I am. She passed away Saturday. She'll be buried at her family cemetary today. I'm totally grief stricken. I've known her two years and she was geniune. She was a kind caring woman and she was stunning. Just one look into her eyes and I fell for her. She knew how I felt about her but she didn't feel the same for me. I would have done anything to make her happy. It was a pleasure to have known her. She's unforgettable.

By Mad_scientist (63.42.243.50) on Tuesday, July 17, 2001 - 12:23 am:

Are you sure? I've seen her post on MindKandy's site a few times. I really hope everyone is ok.

By Kenneth (152.163.205.77) on Monday, July 16, 2001 - 10:33 am:

I just found out Ladylily passed away. A few weeks ago I heard from friends that she seemed depressed. I got in touch with her to cheer her up and I talked her into joining my group to do a few performances this fall and winter. She came to two practices but she wasn't herself. I knew something was wrong. Her daughter said she didn't talk to the family about what troubled her. No one knows what caused her to end her life with a overdose of sleeping pills. Ladylily was a special lady and I'll never forget her. She was a fine musician but more than that she was a gentle and sweet person. If only she had known how much people cared about her. I was the one who told her about this site. I know all of you will miss her too.