what qualities do i seek in a black man, well, size, muscular body and very black skin. Also, someone who's a lot more than just the sex factor. He should be a great lover but also a loving lover.

By Frenchvanilla (152.163.204.76) on Sunday, July 22, 2001 - 10:41 pm:

I have been through a few IR relationships and I feel that you get what you want. If I feel that I deserve to be treated a certain way, I will get treated that way. Each person is going to only put up with what it is that they feel they are worth. I have been through the spells of dating men that really wanted nothing more than mere sex and/or money. It is not a black thing, it is a cold thing to do. It really is something that has to do with self esteem, though most can't see that. I love men, men of all color, but yes I can say that I have seen the situation that Stature4 has seen, but if you date a white/asian/hispanic man with the same mind frame that you had with the black man, it will continue. The change is within yourself and not the race.

By Sabbadoo32 (12.2.19.162) on Monday, July 2, 2001 - 07:16 pm:

Amen Wyatt!

Here's one for you to mull over. I meet a woman, 36, divorced, trim, blonde. She instantly cozies up to me. I ask her out, and before the sentence leaves my mouth she says "yes." We set a date. Over the next couple of times we meet prior to the date, we go out with her friends. As well as her recent ex-boyfriend, and on another occasion, her ex-ex boyfriend. This threw me for a loop, and not necessarily a good one at that. I wasn't threatened, but why would you want to bring these guys along when you are getting to know a hopeful new suitor?

I knew last week was a bad one for her. And I also knew I was looking for a reason to get out of this date. So I send her an ecard last Friday morning to cheer her up, and to address the upcoming date. I also mentioned I was looking forward to seeing her without the ex- and ex-ex around .
That night I see her at a big social event (we have a large social circle) where she tells me she just missed getting laid off on the previous day (Thursday). She carries a company laptop, which I knew. So I asked whether she had received the card. She said "no." This was my last straw, my "out." So I finished our little conversation and never spoke to her the rest of the evening.

Monday morning, there's an email from her dated FRIDAY containing the regular "didn't mean to lead you on" boilerplate. I figure she's a loon.

By Wyatt (207.106.60.7) on Monday, July 2, 2001 - 04:11 pm:

Frankie,

You are so right!! I am a black guy who never cheated or used girlfriends, but I was used and rejected by them. My white male friends however, cheated on their girlfriends and used them forsex and money. I always thought that was disqusting, but many of the guys I knew in college thought it was cool, becuase many of the girls would keep coming back to get used and abused.

It hasn't anything to do with a person skin color, but it has to do with those individuals who had no respect for others, themselves or women. It is evidenced by the fact that 50% of white on white marriages and black on black marriage end in divorce. These prove that relatioship problems are not racial, but cultural, personal, social and societal.
One must ask themselves, what kind of relationship does one want. If a woman sleeps with a guy, the guy-especially a young guy understands that that person is easy to get and use. But if that same woman was strong and respectful of herself, she would not sleep with the guy, givehim money and get used. And any woman who goes back to a guy like this is asking for trouble.

By Stature4 (152.163.197.203) on Sunday, July 1, 2001 - 03:59 pm:

your definitely right. everyone no matter what race or ethnicity is going to have difficulties in a relationship.

By Frankie (128.164.161.252) on Sunday, July 1, 2001 - 02:02 pm:

Sorry to hear about your bum experience. Let's face it, there are plenty of guys and gals out there with bad intentions. There are probably some black guys who feel they were used by white women. Particularly when people are young, and not sure of how to treat each other, that is when you hear many of these stories. Meeting new people always carries a risk, but that's better than the alternative.

By Stature4 (152.163.201.58) on Sunday, July 1, 2001 - 12:45 am:

I grew up in a white community. There for a few black people in my high school, but that was all - a few. When i got to college i befriended many black people, mostly guys. And i kind of got involved with two. Through these experiences i eventually realized something my friends had been telling me for months....you are being used. Now don't get me wrong, i was not that stupid. In a way i knew that it wasn't a GREAT relationship with these guys. But something about them kept me at their side. Another thing is that it was all "hush, hush." All in all we had fun together, they made me feel important in some weird way, and they made me laugh. I guess i thought it would boost my self-esteem if i felt needed by these men. Things got bad because they were being shady towards me sometimes and i hated it. I wanted their attention and i only got it when it was conveinient for them. I don't want you all to think that i am bad-mouthing black guys, but through my experiences, i was used and treated like i have never been treated by any white guy. And these black guys were not "thugs" or "druggies", they were good guys that everyone liked. I really don't know what i am getting at but i thought maybe someone could give me their thoughts on my situation. There is so much more i have to say but i will stop here. I guess what i'm looking for is an answer to why some black guys feel they can treat white women like this. Maybe because they know they can, i'm not sure. I would love to hear other's opinions. Thanks for reading....
B