Roberto,

Good words of wisdom as usual from you.

By Sabbadoo32 (12.2.19.162) on Tuesday, May 15, 2001 - 06:17 pm:

Just peeked in to see what was happening with this thread, and WOW! You people can really type fast!

Frangiapani, the best of the new advice I've seen in this endless scroll of messages is to keep looking for the best man available. He may be black, white, Iranian, whatever. Let the moment happen, and don't try to force the attraction. Bad things can happen that way.

By Kansascity (209.242.125.63) on Tuesday, May 15, 2001 - 10:07 am:

It is harder to get closer to a person who feels threatened, alienated. But, sometimes the effort to reach a person who feels this way is well worth it.

By Roberto (152.163.213.49) on Tuesday, May 15, 2001 - 09:43 am:

"It's like a black man has to go out of his way in this society to prove that he's a good person, and as good as anyone else. This is the weight that every black man must carry on his shoulders at every minute". ~ Modulis


Let me tell you from the heart. Never, never, never, try being good to make someone else respect you. Be good to respect yourself. I can understand how you must feel to have the world against you. But, being black men makes us special in many ways. We stand alone against all odds and at times with no one to stand with us. We see the hidden unrelenting thirst for hate toward us that many cannot see. It's like that old sci-fi series, "The Invaders" in which only one man saw the evil that was engulfing the world, but no one believed him. We (black men) see the world as it really is.

We are special in that we cherish life to utmost. We exemplify this in our faith, in our music, and in our intellectual pursuits (ask Spade), entrepreneur endeavors (ask Wyatt) and athletic prowess (ask swampfox). We may never truly be united as one, (black men united) to be a force to be reckon with, but someday each of us will realize that the total man lies not in just the physical being, but in the totality as an intellectual, spiritual and emotional being.

I, as a black man long for friendships, I long for happiness. But, I will never compromise myself for those I desire. I have too much respect for myself and I found as a black man I have to be highly selective in who I gain these and other virtues for life.

Damn it Modulis, never allow others to make you inferior. Do not let them leave you with an inferiority complex. Last night my master taught me a new martial arts hyung or (kata in Japanese) for your reference. It's called "O - SIP SA BO HYUNG". It's a beautiful art form. It's origin is unknown. The name of it's creator is unknown. It's date of creation was approximately 400 years ago in a place called Ho Nam, China. It has over 77 movements. It has tiger characteristics that is characterized by speed at which it is performed and the accuracy required in the focus of the delivery of its techniques. It has opened up inside of me new ways of experiencing my inner self.

I tell you this because, for me to find meaning in myself as a black man, I must take hold of the knowledge and experiences of others, whether its today or 400 years ago. Never stop finding what makes you that unique black man no matter where it might come from brother. ~ Roberto

By Modulis (216.249.80.88) on Tuesday, May 15, 2001 - 12:55 am:

kansascity,

I am proudly and undubiously male! I love women more than anything on earth. I guess I'm a male that has a sensitive side that can come out. I just didn't realize I was giving any "female viewpoints." But I guess a balance doesn't hurt. :-)

By Kansascity (209.242.125.6) on Tuesday, May 15, 2001 - 12:48 am:

What ever your Father/Mother think of your choice in a mate; just remember to honor them by respecting them somehow, no matter what. Then go on and respect, love, be with who you please...but never condemn your folks. They are the ones who gave you your life. Think about how you would feel in their shoes. They know alot, but they do not know everything. Be kind and try to understand your parents who come from a different time. Always let them know you will love them no matter what. Then go do what you have to do.

By Kansascity (209.242.125.6) on Tuesday, May 15, 2001 - 12:34 am:

Modulis: Sometimes you come across with the male viewpoint and then again, sometimes you come across with the female view. I guess you might be one or the other.....but, what is it? Be for real...where are you comming from my fellow message board poster. No insults intended...just wondering about you. :-)

By Modulis (216.249.80.88) on Tuesday, May 15, 2001 - 12:27 am:

Frangiapani,

Yes, I know what you mean. Although I may end up with a black woman someday, I consider it unlikely because I'm just too infactuated with WW. I'd do anything to marry an Italian woman.

I kind of wish I were more attracted to BW. Hey I think I'll start a new discussion based on this...

By Frangiapani (203.54.207.68) on Monday, May 14, 2001 - 11:02 pm:

Kanasacity, I dont understand why you keep repeating that..I do judge people by their character, but black men and white men have their differences,.. I agree color shouldnt matter but theres always going to be a difference.

By Kansascity (209.242.125.25) on Monday, May 14, 2001 - 10:28 pm:

Most of you still don't get it: Judge a person by their character and NOT THE COLOR OF THEIR SKIN.

By Frangiapani (203.54.207.68) on Monday, May 14, 2001 - 08:38 pm:

Modulis,
Thanks again for your advice...Its the best advice I think I've ever heard!
Ive always looked up to the black race ever since I was little, regardless of how I was raised, thats how I've always thought. I honestly can't understand why anyone would judge black men or women just because they are black. Theres bad guys in every race.

Yes, I get the feeling one day life would have passed by and I didnt do what I wanted, due to ignorant remarks. I might end up with a white man, but I just have the feeling that I wont..do you know what I mean??

By Kansascity (209.242.125.88) on Monday, May 14, 2001 - 08:32 pm:

Judge character:
Anyway, had a busy day spending all of it trying to get my electricity back on. It's back on!:-)
What a difference it makes. Now we can take hot showers, cook, watch TV, listen to music, use the computer, keep food cold in the refrigerator; and not have to worry about causing a fire by using candals, and karoseen lamps. Although, while our electricity was off there was a sort of peacefull atmosphere and less electro-magnetic waves ............

By Kansascity (209.242.125.15) on Monday, May 14, 2001 - 08:20 pm:

Martin Luther King always said judege people by their character and not the color of their skin.

By Modulis (216.249.82.189) on Monday, May 14, 2001 - 02:31 am:

Perhaps the best advice would be to make sure your parents know that you have high standards when pursuing men, no matter what their race is. We live in a society where all you have to say is "black man" and people automatically think the worse possible scenario. People think of some Snoop Dogg type gangsta before they think of a man like Colon Powell. It's like a black man has to go out of his way in this society to prove that he's a good person, and as good as anyone else. This is a weight that every black man must carry on his shoulders at every minute. Knowing that many people that smile in your face, hand you your cash at the register, deliver your mail, etc think on some level that they are better than you. Sometimes I wish I could move to a country where this pressure wasn't so present. But I guess I'm getting off point now.

As to it being worth seeing a black guy with all the trouble it could cause, it would depend on whether you feel that this is the right person for you. It would be your parent's loss. We only live a short time on this earth, then when it's all over, race, gender, class, money or any of these earthly concerns is of no importance. Another expression I like goes, "life is like a coin, you can spend it anyway you like, but you can only spend it once." Ultimately you'll have to do what will make you happy. I think if your parents are fundamentally decent people, they'll soon come around after the initial shock wears off. Time heals wounds.

And one more thing, don't go out there thinking that you absolutely have to find a black man. Who knows, maybe the man of your dreams will end up being a white guy. Don't brush off a nice white guy because you are interested in black guys. Just keep your standards high and welcome any good man that walks into your life, regardless of color, and never "settle" for anything less.

By Frangiapani (144.134.91.18) on Monday, May 14, 2001 - 01:27 am:

Thanks Modulis,

I know that my feelings would never change for her or my dad no matter what they said or did. I guess Im more afraid of how they will react or what they might do if I did bring someone of another race home. I know eventually she would accept it if I did, but I also know she might say something terrible to the guy If I brought him around to meet. I would prefer it if he never met them at all if that was the case. I mean, there is absolutely nothing wrong with two people of different races being together, why should I have to sneak around or do things the hard way just to please my ignorant parents? Is it worth it? I dont want to hurt the feelings of the guy that Im with either.

But slowly, I can see they might come around aswell. The fact that she would read what you wrote is a good sign. But, if I do meet a man that I want to spend my life with and my parents still show no sign of understanding then I guess thats their loss right?

By Modulis (216.249.84.227) on Sunday, May 13, 2001 - 04:28 pm:

Fran, you are quite welcome. If I did anything to help change your mother's mind, that makes me very happy to know that. I guess the pen, err...keyboard really is mightier than the sword!

Well, anyway, wish your mom a happy mother's day and despite how she may feel towards you, let her know that if you brought home a man of a different race, your feelings towards her would never change. I guess it goes back to expression, "kill them with kindness."

By Frangiapani (144.134.88.33) on Sunday, May 13, 2001 - 03:57 am:

I agree..I was so impressed reading that Modulis!
You stated it with such truth and sincerity, that I even purposely left it up on the computer screen for my mother to see. Honestly, she didnt have a thing to say. For the first time I think she had a change of thought in the right direction!
You were right about her thinking too emotionally when it comes to race. There was never any reason, just "that it was wrong"..At first it made me wonder why I should even bother for her to understand, why I should get myself upset over her small minded opinions, but its a nice feeling inside when my mother, who is set in her ways can back down a little and realize she may be wrong.

Thankyou.

By Spade (63.72.242.11) on Saturday, May 12, 2001 - 10:46 pm:

By Modulis (216.249.78.12) on Saturday, May 12, 2001 - 03:30 am:

I never get this thing about bi-racial children not "belonging." If I have a kid, whether the kid be black or mixed, I am not going to raise them to think of race as important. You see, I'm not interested in associating or relating to people that share my genes, I'm interested in associating with people that share my values and interests, no matter what race. There are people of my race that I have lots in common with and there are some I have nothing in common with. I would teach my kid that if anyone is going to accept you *because* of your race, these aren't the kind of friends you want. Because people should accept you for who you are on the inside.

Your mother said that two races shouldn't mix because of cultural differences. This is a common sentiment I'm sure, and one based entirely in ignorance. For starters, race and culture are two seperate entities. Race is nothing more than genes and phenotype, culture is a shared system of values, behaviors and beliefs. One has nothing to do with the other. For example, a Japanese kid raised in America is as American as any white or black kid, though racially he may be Japanese. A black raised in America has no more in common culturally with a black raised in Africa than a white does. Blacks in America have far more in common with whites culturally than they do with anyone in Uganda or Swaziland.

Your mother seems to have a very stereotypical view of black people. Just as some may be Italian, Jewish or Polish in background but not be that "ethnic" in personality, the same holds true for blacks. I have an Italian friend who speaks no Italian, has never been to Italy, knows little of Italian art, history and culture. He may be Italian by ancestry, but he is not ethnically Italian at all. And many blacks are just the same. Pretty much just Americans that happen to black. That's how I would describe myself. Now if you introduced me to your mother, I wonder what culture she would claim I am a part of that you are mixing?

Yes, you are right, deep down your mother knows there is no rational reason to be against interracial dating. The opposition is entirely emotional. Somewhere in your mom's early life, she had it brandished on her brain that black men are not supposed to talk to white women. That white women "deserve" better than them. Trust me, if you probe her enough, you'll discover that this cultural argument and the argument about it being "unfair" to the kids is just a smokescreen. Scratch the surface and she'll reveal that she thinks no black man is worth enough for her white daughter. Plain 'n simple. I'm hear this bull about, "it's bad for the kids" so much it makes me sick. Hey respond by saying, "what if we don't want to have kids, then would you be opposed?" If she uses the cultural argument respond by saying, "what if the black guy is culturall no different than me and shares all my values and interests, then would you be opposed?" Soon, she'll have to admit that she just thinks black men are worth less than black women. Once she admits that, you can start trying to get her to reflect on that view. When people have such long held views, they are quite difficult to change though. Irrational and emotion people are hard to change period. One thing you may want to try in the long term is getting your mother to see the world more rationally and less emotionally, and perhaps that'll spill over into racial views as well. For example, if she makes an emotional comment about someone at work, perhaps try to have an intellectual discourse about what circumstances may have brought it up. Do this repeatedly and constantly. That actually worked with my mother. She used to occasionally make bigotted statements towards other ethnic groups. But she knew that I was opposed to it intellectually and I asked her tough questions about it. Eventually, she just stopped saying such things about other groups around me. I'm sure she knew in part that I would lose respect for her. Maybe if your mother thinks you'll lose respect for her intelligence if she continues with her mindset, she may change? It's worth a try perhaps. But narrow-mindedness, emotionalism and irrationality are a pretty tough combination to defeat. Best of luck. Now go out and find that good brothaman that'll impress the hell out of your mom!

By Frangiapani (203.54.206.164) on Saturday, May 12, 2001 - 02:02 am:

Modulis, My father thinks along the same lines as my mother, except my mother can be too outspoken with her feelings to the point where I think "why bother?"...I have tried to be subtle about it and Ive even had heart to heart talks, but in the end its always the same conclusion that there is nothing wrong with black men, she just doesnt want her daughter marrying one. She thinks I would be unfair to have a bi-racial baby because the child would grow up not belonging. She also says that two races shouldnt really mix because of cultural differences. Although, she wouldnt mind me marrying an Italian or a Spanish man. Try and figure that one out. At times she cant say anything back to me, because I think we both know that deep down, there is nothing wrong it, its just what other people are going to think. My brother and sister, sister in law and other family members havent a problem with it. My mother doesnt understand that the more she turns me against it, the more determined I am to prove her wrong.

Anyway, I came to the conclusion that I only have a short time on this earth, Im not going to get upset about it anymore.

By Ishvara (38.163.112.74) on Friday, May 11, 2001 - 01:58 pm:

Thanks for the insights guys, you are both right on the mark, Sabbadoo32 all the points you made are truths that I do know deep down I just worry, it's good to hear though that you didn't suffer for it. And Melli, I guess children are more resilient than their parents are sometimes, sounds as though you have done a wonderful job with your children hopefully you can give me some pointers!

By Sabbadoo32 (12.2.19.162) on Thursday, May 10, 2001 - 07:22 pm:

My experience tells me that kids can be just plain cruel. A smart, tall, handsome, athletic interracial 12-year old child has the same chance at being the king of the playground as the short, fat, introverted white child has to be the butt of every joke. The key is in how you help mold you child's self-esteem, and challenge their intellect.

As a kid, I was short and skinny (though mighty adorable!). Both the white kids and black kids would occasionally pick on me. Not necessarily calling me the "N" word, but that annoying and sometimes demeaning taunting. My ticket out of "geek-dom" was that I was outgoing and could sing and act. And I was pretty smart as well. My Mom made sure I was intellectually challenged in and out of school.

I had friends of both races, and really didn't prefer one over the other. My first kiss/episode of fooling around came with a black girl, but my "first time" was with a white girl. My last relationship was with a white girl who soon after got involved with a Hispanic man.

I've always had contacts with all races, and I've heard enough stories to know whether you are Chinese. Filipino, Black, or look poor, don't go hanging out in the rich white neigborhoods. Unless you live there, and then you can still get shot. Seriously (those without pre-installed senses of humor, PLEEEZE don't take offense), making an interracial relationship work can just as hard as a making a Jewish/Gentile, Protestant/Catholic, Greek/Turkish, or other type of relationship work.

Some white families will threaten "disowning" when a boy or girl brings home the wrong type of white kid. Black familes with dark skin may shun a lighter skinned love interest. Stupidity knows no home race, creed, or gender.

You've just got to be strong, and hope you partner is as strong as you are. That pretty much can be said about any relationship.

By Svorhies (208.48.12.163) on Thursday, May 10, 2001 - 06:44 pm:

Ishvara,
Girl you know that I can relate!!!! I also have the same concerns for my baby growing up in a world that can be cruel. I am already having to defend my unborn child to my family. As I am sure you have read in the past most of my family on my fathers side is racist. Just last night my uncle voiced his concerns about having an interracial child. Please know that he is not racist like the others, he just has old fashioned ideas of the world and doesn't realize how "excitable" a mixed baby is now. I also have the added burden of being a single mother. So now I have to learn the culture of the father so that my child will know who she/he is.
I commend you for making the move. I too have that option, however I have decided to stay here and not move back for Michigan. I think that by me staying in Florida that will be the best thing for my baby. I DO NOT want my child to be raised around or even close to some of my family. That is such a shame that I have to feel that way.
Girl just hang in there and we will do this together!!

By Melirosa (208.48.12.163) on Thursday, May 10, 2001 - 12:54 pm:

ishvara-
my daughter is just fine and she is very well adjusted. i think that the incident hurt me way more than it hurt her. things like that usually do. i come out with my fangs showing as soon as i even suspect that someone may have hurt my children, it's almost like they are guilty until proven innocent with me when it comes to my kids. my daughter is a very very beautiful little girl and not much can be said to tell her otherwise now because she has such high self esteem. she is no way conceited, she just loves herself enough to know that she is a beautiful person with a soft caring heart. children are resiliant and they bounce back from things a lot easier than we adults do, belive me. ishvara you are going to be a great mother. your child will be very well adjusted.

By Ishvara (38.163.112.41) on Thursday, May 10, 2001 - 11:54 am:

I appreciate those words of encouragement. I like you have a VERY protective personality. I am always defending the underdog, would stand up to bullies picking on the nerds just b/c I can't stand that sort of behavior. I'm nervous about moving to the burbs of Phillie, I know what it's like. I'd much rather stay here where people are more open and there are ethnic groups of all shades and denominations. I'd rather my children be raised in a culturally diverse area ao that they are not put through hatred, being different, not seeing others around the same as them etc. For family reasons pressure is on for me to move back so for the sake of my child being around grandparents both sides I will. I just do see myself wanting to shield from ignorant comments like the one said to your daughter. Is she ok? How did she handle it and how did you explain it to her? After the explanation was she better, was she ok with it? Overall how do you think our daughter is adjusting? Thanks mami, for your pearls of wisdom.

By Melirosa (208.48.12.163) on Thursday, May 10, 2001 - 11:22 am:

ishvara-
at times children are cruel and they say things to other children to hurt them. the very same incident that you mentioned happened to your friends daughter happened to my daughter. my daughter is dark skinned and she came home telling me that a little girl told her she couldn't play with her because she was too brown. i immediately took offense like a mother bear and went down to the school the very next day. i found this childs mother and i confronted her i also offered up a few choice words and have her a lesson on racism. if there is one thing i can say that i don't enjoy about being a mother, it is the way you feel when someone hurts your child. it is an overhelming feeling of the deepest, to the core pain in it's rawest form. there is nothing like it and it shakes your very soul. regardless if your child is black white or purple, it is something that every mother will experience and no matter what you do to prepare yourself for the dreaded incident, you will never be ready for it. ishvara, there will be many more good times than bad times you will experience as a mother and it will be the best thing that ever happened to you. your fears are justified, but you are probably pondering to much on them as any good mother would because you will now spend the rest of your natural life worrying about this human life that you have created. your life will never be the same and you will do nothing without thinking of your child first. there is no love like it in the world and a love you can't live without once you have it. don't worry sweetie, your baby will be just fine. there will be joys and sorrows that you experience, but don't worry about your child being teased unmercifully because of his/her racial makeup. the world is such a diverse place and unless you live in a place where racism is very strong, which you don't now, i don't think that your little one will have to deal with much of the things you are so worried about. just try and deal with it the best you can if it does happen, and always instill in your child the richness of his/her culture and make her proud to be her. you are already starting to think like a loving mother. you and your little love will be just fine.

By Ishvara (38.163.112.41) on Thursday, May 10, 2001 - 08:55 am:

I have some concerns that I'd like some feedback from all of the mother's out there. I'm beginning to feel real apprehensive about my baby's future. I worry that he or she will not be happy because other children of both colors will tease unmercifully. My baby won't enjoy the same priveleges I received. Or something like what happened to my mom's friend, her daughter came home from school one day all upset becuase she wasn't pink like her mother, she was brown. Are my fears groundless? Are there unique situations stemming from having a bi racial child? My baby is lucky, the father is completely committed to us. In that respect I think that helps a lot. But can you guys give me any indication of the kinds of things I should expect? Or problems I might run in to? Any feed back is welcome.

By Svorhies (208.48.12.163) on Tuesday, April 24, 2001 - 03:21 pm:

Modulis
I grew up in a very small town in Michigan. This town is about 40 miles east of Lansing. Most of my family is still there. As I was telling Melirosa today it could have been worse. There is a town just a few miles away called Kahakta and the grand wizard of the KKK lived there. Most of the towns people also belonged to them. I have been around small minded people my whole live. It is just amazing to me that four kids can grow up in the same town, in the same house and have two that are so much different than the other two. My eldest brother and I are so much alike and open minded. My other two brothers are hopeless. It has taken me many years to come to realize that they are hopeless, and it hurts me to say that. I guess it is true, you just can't pick you family.

By Modulis (216.249.77.184) on Sunday, April 22, 2001 - 03:26 pm:

Svhories,

I'm curious, what part of the country is your family from?

By Svorhies (208.48.12.163) on Friday, April 20, 2001 - 11:12 am:

Fran,
girl just hang in there and always stick up for what you believe in. I can promise that in one way or another things will get better for you. Either your mother will get used to the idea or you will just become numb to the pain of the situation. I too was disowned by a parent. Only it was my father. We didn't speak for 8 years because I date black men. After 8 years my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. This is the time my father decided to apologize for making such a stupid mistake. I think that in a way he meant it but partly because he knew he was going to die and he wanted to clear in conscience. I thank god for allowing us a whole year to enjoy each other again. As of today I still no longer speak to two on my brothers because of the IR thing. One says that I am a disgrace to the family and it makes his skin crawl to think of his sister with a black man. If that is how he feels, I can't change that. He is the one that is going to miss out on my life and on now that I am pregnant with an IR baby, he will not know his niece or nephew, and that is just fine with me! I will not subject my child to such pain!
The road ahead is going to be long a built like a rollercoaster. Hang in there and just take care of yourself and be happy!

By Modulis (216.249.86.206) on Friday, April 20, 2001 - 01:52 am:

Fran,

I don't know why any mother would say she would disown her child. My mother would never, ever, ever, ever say such a thing to me. I now realize just how fortunate I am to have parents that would accept me no matter who I married. If a parent could say that they would disown a child, I must wonder if they ever really love the child to begin with. I could even see if the child became a murderer, pedaphile or rapist, but disown a child for loving? I think it would have been good if you did cry in front of your mother, it's important for her to see how much she hurt your feelings with her words. If I were you, I would have a heart to hear talk about it. Btw, what did your father say?

By Frangiapani (165.118.59.5) on Thursday, March 15, 2001 - 03:12 am:

All your advice has really helped, THANKS!! Ive come to realise what you are all saying, and Ive also realised that happiness is what is most important to me.

By Mdclady34 (205.188.198.21) on Wednesday, March 14, 2001 - 09:36 pm:

Hey Fran,I am 34 and my black boyfriend is 45 and our mothers,both of them are strongly against our being together.You have to come to the place in your life where your happiness is most important and if the people that love you can't handle the choice you make to be happy then they will loose out on some special times and from getting to know a person that means so much to you.Hang in there girl and do what makes YOU happy.Take care

By Zandii (65.5.128.100) on Monday, March 12, 2001 - 01:55 am:

Fran..those were mean words and Im sorry you had to hear that...you will find the love and support you need in many directions....follow your heart ;-)

By Ishvara (4.54.118.111) on Wednesday, March 7, 2001 - 05:56 pm:

Fran, girl I feel for you. I know how close a mother can be. She's probably trying to scare you so that you won't even consider it because you won't want to lose her. Some underhand tactics and not the kind of thing you should say to your daughter. Only this lead by example and trust that this world has you safe. If you're alright with yourself there is nothing anyone can say or do to shake your resolve and life will be beautiful. Don't let em get you down.

By Roberto (205.188.197.47) on Monday, March 5, 2001 - 08:54 pm:

Frangiapani:

Always love your parents, never hate your parents, teach them the power of love. It is you who must change them. ~ Roberto

By Frangiapani (203.54.51.205) on Monday, March 5, 2001 - 04:25 pm:

Thanks for the support, I am 22 years old, so Im still young, but old enough to make my own decisions too. Regardless of what my parents have thought over the years, Ive always done my own thing, because I always knew they were racists at heart, and I just thought as time went by they would understand and eventually loosen up a little. Anyway, thats not happening, and I love my mother so much, it was a shock to hear that she felt that way about it.

I agree with all of you about loving and being with who I want, and I know that I will end up doing that, I just have never been on the same wavelength as my parents, we think differently and I hope too, that my parents can accept it and if they dont, I know Im always going to try and help them to accept it, because I dont want to lose my parents, especially my mother.

By Cnocolor (4.17.99.12) on Monday, March 5, 2001 - 12:39 pm:

Frangiapani,

I'm sorry to hear that girl. But like Wyatt & Melirosa I'm also wondering how old you are. Maybe they still feel as if you're too young to know what you want. I feel like you should be able to date whomever makes you happy. & if your parents see that you're happy, they should be happy for you. A parents love is supposed to be unconditional, so hopefully you can work it out with them.

*C-No-Color*

By Melirosa (208.48.12.163) on Monday, March 5, 2001 - 11:58 am:

hi frangiapani-
i, like wyatt, wonder what your age is. if you are of age, you have control over who you are going to be with. your parents made a choice to be with one another and you have the same right. you can not help who you love and for your mother to try and dictate this to you is unfair. i understand though, how you must have felt when your own mother said that she would disown you should you choose to marry a black man. that is so hateful and not at all motherly. you have to live your life, not your mother. you have to be happy and make your own decisions. for your mother to try and hinder your judgement with the threat of disowning you is so unfair but she is not going to stop you from loving the person your heart loves. people love who they love regardless of what someone else has to say. i wish you luck and i hope that your mother eventually sees that losing her daughter over the man she chooses to be with would be a terrible mistake and could effect the rest of her life in a negative way. god bless you.

By Wyatt (207.8.207.115) on Monday, March 5, 2001 - 10:35 am:

Hi Frangiapani,

I don't know your age, so it is hard to say the right thing. If you are older than 25 and your parents are not supporting you, I would say that you need to make decisions for yourself. At that age, you should be grown enough to tell your mother and father that you love and marry whomever you wish.

Now, if you are younger and immature and still think that your parents are ruling you, I think that you should date but don't think about marriage until you are a bit older. Your parents do not own you, they may not accept you, but they can't disown what they don't own. You are not property, you are a person. Explain to them that it is insulting that you are considered property and if they can't accept you for who you are than it is too bad, but you are going to be you.

If they told you to kill someone or they would disown you, would you kill that someone? I hope not. I hope that you are smart enough to make right decisons. Get a good education, a good job, take care of yourself and when marriage comes, marry whomever you fall in love with. I hope that it will be an Interracial marriage , but it will be a heartfelt thing not controlled by anyone.

By Frangiapani (203.54.52.15) on Monday, March 5, 2001 - 09:51 am:

Just when I was feeling really positive about myself and not even worrying about what others might think, I was talking with my parents and they have always known Ive liked black men, but tonight, my mother says to me that she would disown me, what kind of thing is that to say??

As soon as she said it I felt like I was gonna cry, it was the meanest thing Id ever heard her say, and I dont know what to do about it. I dont know if Im going to end up marrying a white guy, but I know Im probably not, because I cant help the way I feel about the black men that I have met..anyway, if anyone has anything positive I could really hear it right now.